It finally happened. The Big Bad got a critical hit near the end of a climactic encounter. You rolled a Natural “1” on your Death Save. There was no last minute reprieve for your heroic last stand. And now? Now your character is dead.
For many of us, the character isn’t just a bunch of numbers on a sheet of paper (or electrons in a virtual tabletop). This was a character we had become invested in. We had hopes for their future. We had plans for what they would do next. We knew their backstory, from their childhood friends to their first fumbling steps into becoming a hero. And now, this story is over – in all likelihood, not in a way that we intended.
There are certainly people who will scoff at the deep feelings that many of us (or the players at our tables) might be feeling at this moment. Certainly those who are newer to gaming may think “Well, just write ‘Jr.’ at the end of the character’s name and bring in their kid,” or compare it to a video game. After all, when Link dies, you can just go back to the last time you saved, right? And certainly in many game settings, death can almost be a revolving door, with methods of bringing a character back from the dead.
But it’s not always possible. And feelings can be hurt. There’s going to be shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression… in other words, all of the same stages of grief we feel in the real world when someone we love is lost.
This. Is. Ok.
When you’re emotionally invested in a character, it’s normal to grieve the end of their story. It is a loss, and it can be a painful one. Even if the character had a “good death,” that doesn’t change that we can be sad about never getting to play them again.
So, what should you do in these moments? My suggestion is to treat the same way (although to a lesser extent) as you would for any other grief. Allow yourself to have these feelings. Seek out other people who have a connection to this character that you can share stories and anecdotes with. And if you need to cry a little? Go ahead and do that.
Role-playing games are a social activity, and are about forging the connections and relationships around the table through the medium of shared storytelling and gameplay. If you’re doing it right, you should feel something when a major character dies.
I also advocate after-care. As a GM, I think it is important to check in with your players regularly. In general, this can just be about checking how people feel about the tone of the story, or any house rules that are happening, or events that are regularly happening (or regularly not happening). But after a major event in the future of the campaign – and a player character death certainly qualifies – it’s perfectly acceptable to just bring the table together and ask “How is everyone doing?”
In Something… Something… Dragons, we did just that at the end of The Haunting of Harrowstone. I would have wanted to do that anyway, just because it was a turning point in the campaign, but it became doubly important because of events that transpired during the final session. Now, we were doing it for an audience, but even if we hadn’t, it would have been worth doing just for the check-in with my players.
But my biggest advice after a player character death is the same advice I give to people who are mourning the loss of a real person. Grieve, and allow yourself to grieve. But afterwards, continue to live. The old character is gone, and that is sad. But there are more stories to be told, and the friendships that were created around the table can continue. Pull out that backup character and start building your excitement for the next set of stories that can be created. As the Vision put it “A thing isn’t beautiful because it lasts.” Every character’s story will eventually end, so enjoy the stories while they’re available to you – around the gaming table and away from it.
The Letter